Life

Curses and Wishes

Warning: Sappy post coming up!

About fifteen months ago, someone told me in the most demeaning and evilest way I have ever been talked to, “Your time will come when you will hit rock bottom, too!” At that time, I remember that as long as I do good, I will always be taken care of. That is one of my life mantra, to create good karma for myself and the people around me. But as I sit in my little corner on this quiet Saturday evening, I can’t help but think that the person who cursed me was on to something. I am at my lowest point, ever. Emotionally. Physically. Financially.

With all the suicide happening in the world, I see friends posting about being there for you in case you need someone to listen. Still, it takes courage to open up. I’m not that courageous. It could also be my pride. But hey, that’s why I have this blog. I can write freely.

As I see friends announcing another one of their exciting life events, I am both genuinely happy and jealous. When I see friends (mine and Mike) getting together and we get no invite, I feel a little hurt for the both of us. I mean, it’s probably because we rarely go to social events these days. Still! I get over it after double tapping on their posts though. 😉 See? Totally not bitter.

New homes, new pregnancies, and new business ventures are what tears my heart the most. Don’t get me wrong – I feel so, so, so happy for them! I even put a “heart” on their Facebook posts. But those are the posts that make me ask, “What about us?” Mike and I thought we had our lives figured out, but we thought wrong. We don’t know when we can build our dream home (although we love where we are currently). We also don’t know when we will be blessed to start a family. And we both wish we have the resources to even think about establishing our own business. Sometimes, we joke around about quitting our jobs, selling all our possessions, and escaping our debtors, and just be nomads around the world. Easier said than done, of course. We’ve got family and dogs!

So what do you do when people think you’ve got life figured out? Who do you run to? Well, we ran to someone for help about a month ago. He belittled us and made us feel horrible about getting married and getting ourselves in the situation we are in. Mike promised himself to never again make the mistake of thinking family would help us. I felt bad that he had to feel that way… that we have to feel this way.

We just pray and work harder. Then we say, “Someday, we will be able to help those who are in need… without any judgment.” We want to make that come true.

Life

I’m a Woman and I Love Food

The inauguration happened two days ago. My newsfeed has been filled with some sort of opinion and emotions about the turn of administration. I am disheartened but hopeful. I have not watched the actual ceremony, but it is saved on my DVR. I worked my first Saturday yesterday, but if I hadn’t, I would have made my way to Sacramento or San Francisco.  I would have marched for my values and for what I believe in, not just for myself, but for my family, my friends, for the people who care, for the future. On my way home, I thought to myself how beautiful our world is to allow one person affect and consume us in whatever way we are affected – good or bad. Then I prayed. My faith allowed me to be at peace, at least for the moment, knowing that God always has a plan. I believe that there’s a reason for everything, and many times, we just don’t know why yet. And that is why I am hopeful.

Now that I have let my feelings out, let me tell you about my week last week. It was expensive. We didn’t go grocery shopping, so we basically ate out every night. Oops! We will get it done today, I promise! I can’t complain though because we ate the most amazing things all week. The best part? We ate local! 🙂 We had pho that totally ‘hit to the spot’ during the storm, and the Truffle Crab Noodle Soup that I had for the very first time on Friday was to-die-for. We finally tried the Thai restaurant down the street from our house, and now we understand why it has 4.5 stars on Yelp! Also, we went to my favorite happy hour spot – oysters, wine, and clam chowder!

Lastly, we went to visit my parents. My poor mom had to get surgery on her foot, so she’s currently immobile. I feel so bad when I see either of my parents feeling helpless, but I love their resilience and I love how they take care of one another. They are truly my “relationship goal.”

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Two dozens of oysters and clam chowdaaah! I wanted more oysters, but I was told that would be bad. Oh well.

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Seriously, cheese and fresh truffle?! Genius! Also, I saw this Pink Moscato at Target, and thought, “Wow, you’re pretty! I want you.” Thanks to my dad for that wine rack in the background. Next house, I may need a wine room.

Have a good week everyone!