Life

Curses and Wishes

Warning: Sappy post coming up!

About fifteen months ago, someone told me in the most demeaning and evilest way I have ever been talked to, “Your time will come when you will hit rock bottom, too!” At that time, I remember that as long as I do good, I will always be taken care of. That is one of my life mantra, to create good karma for myself and the people around me. But as I sit in my little corner on this quiet Saturday evening, I can’t help but think that the person who cursed me was on to something. I am at my lowest point, ever. Emotionally. Physically. Financially.

With all the suicide happening in the world, I see friends posting about being there for you in case you need someone to listen. Still, it takes courage to open up. I’m not that courageous. It could also be my pride. But hey, that’s why I have this blog. I can write freely.

As I see friends announcing another one of their exciting life events, I am both genuinely happy and jealous. When I see friends (mine and Mike) getting together and we get no invite, I feel a little hurt for the both of us. I mean, it’s probably because we rarely go to social events these days. Still! I get over it after double tapping on their posts though. 😉 See? Totally not bitter.

New homes, new pregnancies, and new business ventures are what tears my heart the most. Don’t get me wrong – I feel so, so, so happy for them! I even put a “heart” on their Facebook posts. But those are the posts that make me ask, “What about us?” Mike and I thought we had our lives figured out, but we thought wrong. We don’t know when we can build our dream home (although we love where we are currently). We also don’t know when we will be blessed to start a family. And we both wish we have the resources to even think about establishing our own business. Sometimes, we joke around about quitting our jobs, selling all our possessions, and escaping our debtors, and just be nomads around the world. Easier said than done, of course. We’ve got family and dogs!

So what do you do when people think you’ve got life figured out? Who do you run to? Well, we ran to someone for help about a month ago. He belittled us and made us feel horrible about getting married and getting ourselves in the situation we are in. Mike promised himself to never again make the mistake of thinking family would help us. I felt bad that he had to feel that way… that we have to feel this way.

We just pray and work harder. Then we say, “Someday, we will be able to help those who are in need… without any judgment.” We want to make that come true.